Special Seats

This is my first attempt at blogging. While trying to think of a good first blog topic I was reminded of my Mom telling me to write down funny things that happen while I am traveling specifically on my flights with Southwest Airlines. Only having traveled in my new position for about 2 months, I have quite a few funny ones to share.

Let me preface this by giving a little background for anyone who has never flown with Southwest Airlines. My first experience came 2 weeks before Christmas when I flew from Jacksonville to Ft. Lauderdale. Southwest has a system where they do not assign seats, they "allow" you to pick out your "special seat". Instead, you are giving a line assignment. A 1-30 board first, A 31-60 is the next group to board, B 1-30 next and so on. Being new to this I did not realize the importance of checking in online EXACTLY 24 hours before your flight so you can be assured an A line assignment. I prefer to sit in the front of the plane because quite frankly I don't have patience to wait 15 minutes to de-plane while people try to pull their 50 lb "carry ons" out of the overhead compartment. If you are carrying a weeks worth of clothes in your bag...go ahead and CHECK IT! Anyway, so because I didn't check in 24 hours before, I was given a B line assignment. This means that I was about the 100th person to board the plane...

I got on and JACKPOT...front row seat! I asked the lady if someone was sitting there (as if she could say no...that special seat has MY name on it) as I am about to take my seat, I look up to see where I could put my carry-on and realize that they are all full until about 14 rows back. Sham! So I continue down the aisle in which every aisle and window seat is full with only the middle seats open for about 20 rows. I am irritated at this point, I can't turn around because the B 31-60 people are breathing down my neck searching for their special seat like lions on the prowl, so I breath heavily through my carry-on into the first available compartment and decide my "special seat" is between 2 rather large men who would rather the plane go down than share the arm rest...at least its only an hour.

My second experience was on the way back to Jacksonville. It was a night flight everyone is tired and ready to go home. The stewardess comes on and begins to give her speach. It went something like this..."please turn your attention to the attendant in front of you for a quick safety lesson. Seatbelt buckles like this, unbuckles like that...if this plane goes down and I get the cruise I've been wanting, you can use your seat as a flotation device. If the pressure in the cabin changes an oxygen mask will drop from overhead...if you are traveling with a child, I'm Sorry, if you are traveling with more than one child, please secure your oxygen mask first then choose the child with the most potential...we are now cutting off the lights we like when you go to sleep and don't ask us for refreshments"...at that point she kills the lights then says into the speaker in a slow deep voice "you do not want peanuts, you do not want anything to drink". I always appreciate humor but 10,000 feet above the ground is not my ideal location for stand-up.

Experience 3: On my way to Tampa. Checked in early so I have a great seat...pumped up!! Sit down in a window seat on aisle 5. There is a man directly in front of me and a man sits in the aisle seat beside him. The guy by the window leans over and says "you can sit there is you want but I have already been threatened to be kicked off the plane 3 times". "WHY?" asks the startled gentleman. "Because I have horrible gas" comes the response. The man in the aisle says nothing, contemplates for about 2.5 and switches seats. I, sitting directly behind the butt blower, get no such disclaimer....so much for my "special seat"...at least its only an hour.

Experience 4: On my way back from Tampa I sit in an aisle seat beside a young man. He immediatly starts talking to me so in my attempt to shut him up. I pull out my new Cosmo. He completely disregards this and asks me where I live. I reply Jacksonville because I am sure he hasn't heard of my small town. Surprisingly, he is from the town next to mine so he asks me why I said Jacksonville. I explain because not a lot of people know where St. Mary's is and go back to Cosmo. Again, he obviously doesn't appreciate my interest and continues to talk...somewhere in there he tells me he is going home to visit for the weekend after being in a youth behavioral center for anger issues...I then of course close the Cosmo because I don't want him to consider my reading as being rude and flip out on me. He begins to tell me about what he is going to do while he is home, about his family, his love for planes...which is accompanied by and arm slap or punch everytime we feel a change in elevation. He then proceeds to tell me I remind him of his aunt because she too wears her hair short...for the rest of the trip, everything I said reminded him of his aunt to which he always gave me a high five. He asked me to sit with him until his Mom got there to pick him up, I explained to him that my husband was waiting on me and had been since 6:30 (our flight was slightly delayed it was now 6:45 and we were still in the air). To that he looks at his watch and screams (really, screams) "YOUR HUSBAND IS GOING TO BE MAD AT YOU". Everyone turns around I shush him and laugh it off and tell him its not that big of a deal. We land, his Mom is waiting at the gate, he runs to her and never looks back.

I am convinced crazy people fly Southwest...I've already booked my next flight and this time its with Delta!